Loading...Sermon – August 30, 2015
The Rev. Rebecca S. Myers, LSW
The Church of the Nativity and St. Stephen, Newport, PA
Pentecost XIV Proper 17, Track 2
…let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger…. James 1:19
Please be seated.
I’ve never been fond of feeling my feelings. Somewhere along the way in my life, I began to determine what feelings were appropriate to a situation. Now, the thing with feelings is that they just are. And when I began censoring my feelings, I lost touch with valuable information and connection with myself. At some point, I really didn’t know what I felt about nearly everything.
As my life seemingly unraveled during the time I was going through a divorce, I desperately sought some way to ease the pain. One of the things I did was connect with a self-growth group that was part of the Living in Process Network. One of the aspects of the group was the understanding that connecting with your feelings and staying with them led to great insights and being able to live more authentically. It was through this work that I realized I was an emotional anorectic…withholding feelings, especially because I believed if I ever let out the depth of my feelings, I’d never be able to function…ever.
In the retreat or intensive as it was called, I was encouraged to go to a place in the room whenever I felt strong feelings and lie on a mat and just stay with the feeling and see where it led. There was also usually another person in the group who’d agree to sit next to the mat as an observer, which provided support and help in staying with the feelings.
Through that experience, I learned how to be with my feelings. I learned how important those feelings were in helping me get through situations in my life. I learned more connection between my feelings and their physical manifestations. I wasn’t afraid to feel my feelings and viewed them as an important asset in living my life.
This learning was extremely helpful when I was managing an organization and an employee’s mother called me one day to complain about how I was treating their adult child. I couldn’t believe a parent would do that and while I was trying to listen to her, because I respected her and I respected her child, I could feel the heat rising in my esophagus…a burning sensation rising quickly up to my throat. I knew if the conversation went on much longer, I’d be yelling and saying things I’d regret later on. I was able to tell the parent that I needed to end the conversation. I needed to attend to what was happening inside me before I could truly listen and respond to her. I told her I’d think about what she was saying and I’d get back to her the next day. Fortunately, I was able to get off the phone call.
By the next day, after plenty of feeling my anger and letting it go, I was able to speak to the employee and the mother with my take on the situation. I was able to acknowledge where I hadn’t been as supportive as I could have been. It all worked out well.
In today’s Epistle, James tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. In the situation I’ve mentioned, I’m not sure I was slow to anger, but I was slow to react with anger.
Throughout the Hebrew Bible, we continually hear that our God is “slow to anger.” It’s in Exodus, Numbers, Psalms, Joel, to name a few. Often we read that God is “slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.”(Exodus 34:6, Numbers 14:18, Psalm 86:15, Psalm 103:8, Psalm 145:8, Joel 2:13)
This characteristic of God is such a relief to us, isn’t it? It means that even when we make mistakes or do something that is not really the best thing, that we can receive God’s mercy, rather than God’s anger. In essence, God is patient with us. God still loves us. God forgives us. We get lots of chances. We get to try again and again.
And because we know this about God, James is telling us we need to do the same. We must also be slow to anger. Now, as I said before, I don’t think I’m necessarily “slow to anger,” however, I do believe I can slow down my reaction when I’m angry.
In 2010, PBS ran a series called This Emotional Life. On the website for that series (//www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/series), there’s some great information about anger (//www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/anger). Here’s how they define anger:
Anger is a normal emotion with a wide range of intensity from mild irritation and frustration to rage. It is a reaction to a perceived threat to ourselves, our loved ones, our property, our self-image, or some part of our identity. Anger is a warning bell that tells us that something is wrong.
Anger can get us to do things we need to do. Anger can help us to change things that need to be changed. Yet, anger can also be extremely destructive. The website offers some ways to be healthy with our anger:
- · Delay, such as counting to 10 to allow the arousal from anger to dissipate….
- · Relaxation, such as taking deep breaths or listening to calming music
- · Distraction, such as working on a crossword puzzle or taking a walk to get your mind off the situation causing you to feel angry
- · Doing something incompatible with anger and aggression, such as petting a dog, watching a comedy or helping someone in need.
When we are slow to anger, we have the chance to examine the situation that causes us to feel angry. We can plan how best to handle it, whether it’s to work for change or to change our own response. We also show others how God treats us with love, mercy and compassion.
Amen
